New blog of doom!

Lets spin the wheel to figure out what to talk about today! *brings out a giant wheel* spin spin spin! *pulls the lever! Wheel spins fast!* oh, whatever, I already know what I want to say...*pulls an axe from behind his back and throws it at the wheel* dangit! Break already! *gets in a car and runs over it* that's better... ok. Now today I'm going to talk about the many forms of GUILT. No, not the kind you get when you argue with your significant other, the dreaded, nearly incurable disease manufactured by a fictional *gets out a white board and writes "FICTIONAL" and underlines it* bioterrorist group. Aah! Scary, right? Well, its time to review all the types! Yay! Ok. Type 1: Kyriaki! Yay! Sunday! That's what it means in Greek, anyway... whenever someone is infected with it, it produces a lot of some stupidly named chemical which causes people to become emo! Seriously. Anyways, they want to die, yadda, yadda, they get sent to the hospital for chest pain and passing-out-age... (um... yeah, need to work on those adjectives...) and when the doctor opens them up, the doctor sees all these gigantic wounds that need to be drained and pinched together before they are sutured. Oh noes! Well, whatever. This is still pretty elementary... until another laceration appears in the patient's lung! "Vitals dropping!" I know already! So, once you use ultrasound, you find a thingy! Cut the lung open, and a demonic sperm-thingy comes out! Hurry and laser it! Its scary!!!! Ok, its still pretty weak. Only 2 lasers and it dies. Thank God. But then, the mom comes out! And its so much bigger and badder than the other Kyriaki! Aah! Everytime you laser it, it makes a cut and hides again! Nooooo! Use the green awesome shot, now! Yay! The patient's not dead! You defeated the demonic sperm! ...and that's how a typical Kyriaki operation is. Next in line, is the dreaded Deftera! Woooooooo!!!! It means Monday in Greek... you KNOW its bad... well, this strain likes to keep its victims alive and fresh. At least much longer than Kyriaki does... Deftera can incubate in its victims body for up to 5 years before it kills the victim. Wow. Anyways, I assume that Deftera doesn't release the emo toxin, since those who caught the disease are as jolly as possible... o_O. Well, this surfer-doctor guy named Tyler Chase explains about this strain of GUILT, how it has two "flavours"... seriously, how is it that localization left this out? It sounds so weird! I suddenly felt a huge blast of out-of-character... anyways, that's the only british "u" that slipped by. He explains that they are two types, A and B. Pink and blue. Ok, well, the reason why he knows so much about this strain is because his supposed-to-be-cute-at-least-that's-what-the-developers-thought sister came down with this strain. Poor rebellious little girl. Well, these pink and blue tumor blobby evil sluggy things (in second opinion, they look like evil pretty little birds. Kind of creepy having pretty little birds dancing on the surface of your stomach, though...) fly, swim, something around on the surface of your stomach, lungs, liver, etc., leaving black and white tumors that you have to laser off! You can't do a thing to stop them, either, unless you care to spread some green jello, which everyone knows disease hates (haven't you ever eaten green jello when you were sick?) on the surface of the organ and hope the Deftera hates it enough to bounce off. Then when the two colors meet, they swirl around in circles and just stay there for awhile. "Hurry doctor, drain the tumor!" wha? Oh, right! Drain, drain drain, drainy drainy drain drain! Yay! I took out the color! Now they're black and white! Yippee! Wtf? What's happening!? Nooooo! They solidify and cause mayhem! Draw a star now! Cut the thingy out! Make it go awaaaaaayyyy! Phew. Its gone now. Now to take out the other one. *closes up stomach after eating all of the leftover green jello* *opens up lungs* nnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Two pairs!? And I ate all the green jello! And it takes 30 minutes to cook up a new batch! *an incessant stream of curses follows* *10 hours and 15 retries later* Hahahahahahahahahaha.... I finally did it... *completely insane* now, to get you! *gets slapped hard* ok, ok! I'm not insane anymore... hopefully. I just need to rest before reviewing the other GUILT... lest I actually do something that I really will regret for the rest of my life. So I'm going to finally let you go, dear reader, assuming that you actually cared enough to take the time to read my ramblings with a theme, and... I will see you later with more GUILT reviews! Yay! Ok, bye now!